Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
