I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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