I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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