Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
