I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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