yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
