He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
