Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
