those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
