You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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