just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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