People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
