he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
