they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
