just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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