I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize