She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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