You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
