It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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