Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
