I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Bring me that man meat
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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