It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
