is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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