tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
