i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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