so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
