I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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