We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
