come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
