Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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