you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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