I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
