Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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