1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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