If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
