Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
