come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
