i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
A bitchslap is in order.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
