I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
