Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
