So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
