I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
