And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize