Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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