He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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