Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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