Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just want nice things and good sex
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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