where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
