Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
