Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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