I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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