I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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