My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
