i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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