I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
