you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
