So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
