Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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