u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
kristin has been a bad kristin
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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