her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
