The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I touched a dick in church today
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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