Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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