dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
