I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
