Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How does one acquire holy water?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize