i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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