If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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