i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
