why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
