I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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