dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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