If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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