I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
