I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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