This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we made out on top of his cat.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize