i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
