You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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