don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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