I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
