Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
