I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Best friends brother. Beat that.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
