grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
