so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
