So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
