a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
