we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
