$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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