I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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